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You have to start from the bottom for this to makes sense - even then it might not. WHOA so i was bored - like normal so i went to womans site and saw she updated the other day! i was like whoa! shes alive! i never hear from her anymore so i thought she died or whatnot good to know she hasnt - she needs to get over here or call me !!! OBSESSION oh i was a mess yesterday - stephanie and i went to the mall yesterday and of course we ended up in the coach store where i tried on the greatest pair of sunglasses ever and i almost bought them then stopped myself - i reeeeeaaallly wanted to buy them but they were 200 bucks and thats a lot of money to spend when u dont really have a lot to begin with. i obesessed all throughout the mall and at home whether i should go buy them or not cuz i really want them but i think im gunna just wait a little while and maybe buy them next week or something i dont know aaahh i wish i didnt get so obsessed with little material objects like this but i cant help it - its how i was raised my family are a bunch of snobs uugghh so i dont know what ill do - maybe ill buy them or maybe ill just be depressed about how dumb this really is. RAZORBLADE KISS i know u r lovin those cam pics lol - see this is what happens when i have too much time on my hands - anywho things have been pretty much the same with me - had a bunch of work done on my car thankfully my dad payed for it cuz i would not be able to afford it - supposedly there is talk about me getting promoted at work which i think is funny since ive only been there like 4 months lol but hey more money for me - im all for that *thumbs up* and thats it i have no life. THE NIGHT AND THE SILENT WATER i am a very stubborn person - when my mind is made up about something or someone it is hard for me to change that oppinion. . . this is very frustrating because a lot of the times its not possible for things to be just black and white - especially when i know im wrong but i wont let myself do whats right because i am so stubborn - and right now i really want to write about my feelings towards someone but i don't want everyone reading it and knowing how i feel - i guess im just going to try and stay as nuetral as possible in this situation and see how things go and if anything happens then i'll write about that but as for now nothing needs to be said. i will just continue to work b/c yet another person got fired and it was someone i always liked working with :( so i am working 6 days this week - which sucks but at least im getting payed. *shrug* THE SILENT VICTORY so its been awhile since my last entry so i guess its time for me to rant . . . i have been working a LOT these past 3 weeks b/c my manager fired 2 people - 2 people got promoted to diffrent stores and one of the replacement shifts quit. so yah . . . i wanted a shift covered last sunday so i asked noel to cover it for me since she wasnt working. u know what she said -she had to do laundry! for christs sake - if i can name all the times i have done her favors and never asked for anything back i would be so rich! i mean really i am the kind of person who if i really care about u i will do anything for u - i might be lazy but if u need me i will be there for u - but perhaps i should change my nature because all it seems to get me is being walked all over. - i drove her to fremont to pick up her car the other day - i had no gas and no money but still i helped her out - what do i get - coming home my fucking car over heats on the freeway so im stranded trying to call her to come get me - she wont answer her phone - i am just tired of feeling used so many things have happened to me in the past that i get really sick when i think about it and its rare that i express this to people because i doubt they understand so i have just become accustomed to hiding and lying and helping others so i dont worry about myself and u know its really not working out anymore and im not exactly sure what i am going to do - i dont want to be a bitch and not help other people if they need me but im not fucking jesus here i occassionally need help too and maybe i just need to ask for it more often - i dont know - i'm a mess sometimes - i spend too much money on useless shit - whether it being massive quantities of caffeine - shopping for clothes i dont need - or drugs - i just spend too much - and i have nothing left for things i need - ok i dont think there was one possitive thing written in this entry sooo let me try to think of one . . . . . . . . on sunday i am going to the beach before sunrise b/c that is the best time to be there and it should be really fun. - -there that was possitive :) PRIME soooo . . . a lot of shit has been going on - this past sat steph wanted to take me out to a bar - of course i am not 21 so that purposed a problem - she got me her friends id who i look nothing like - not even a little bit but it worked and we went to a couple diffrent bars/clubs - it was fun - i was very entertained to say the least- then i had to go to work on sunday and of course i didnt want to go and i couldnt call in sick --- so i went but like an hour in steph calls pretending to cry saying my grandfather had a stroke - which he didnt but i got out of work --- then today i went back to work and of course i had to play it off like i was uber sad about it - so they tell me to go home and be with my family and i say no ill stay but they insisted i go so i left- then an hour after i leave who strolls in? my cousin noel - which totally fucked over the whole story cuz she had no idea - so i feel pretty screwed even tho she said she tried to play it off like she didnt know - but i dunno - i felt like i was in high school again caught ditching school or something it really sucked - i dont think ill get in trouble or anything like that its just that bad feeling that makes everything shitty but what can u do ? CAUGHT A LITE SNEEZE my goodness they are killing me . . . *rolls eyes* THE WAVE??? omg u love that campic - that was john playing with my cam and we got a little crazy with photoshop - we were all really fucked up last night - it was the funniest shit ever and steph and i just finished cleaning almost the entire house - we still gotta do our rooms but everything is spotless we got wired on fucking espresso and rockstars and just cleaned the fuck out of everything - its nice now so yah - lol steph and i were cleaning listening to pop music (christina aguilera, britney spear, jo-jo, mariah carey, avril lavigne) on any noraml occassion i would never listen to that but i made and exception - we were all running around like crazy singing like lunatics - we r nuts lol BLACK ROSE IMMORTAL i am really excited about the sounds of the underground tour really only because Opeth is going to be there and once i see them live i can die a happy person =D they are just about my favorite band right under cradle of course :p there r also going to be a lot of other awesome bands there too like GWAR which Tiny says i have to see. anywho i have work in the morning so i gotta go to bed TAKING OVER ME If you only knew . . . . you would not think so highly of me. BOYZ soooo this perveted boy i work with never leaves me alone and invited me to go hang out this week - i think not - i cant stand boys like that lol in fact there r a lot of boys i cant stand - i love my Tiny tho! he's the best! i cant believe i've known him for almost 3 years now! thats crazy. anywho i am really bored right now i gotta go find sumthin to do or im gunna kill someone lol SCARLETS WALK oooooh its good to be home- this past week i stayed with steph at her moms while her parents were in hawaii. so tonight will be the first time in hella days that ive slept in my own bed. im stoked. AND WOMAN - i do think about u all the time u whore HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!! i dont have ur number - every number in my phone was erased so call me again. i miss u d00d i havent talked to u in hella years it seems. aaaaanywho im watchin tv so im all distracted right now ----- cheaters - bitches ill say more later TRUTH REVEALED wow today has been so odd - i was terribly upset about some comments that were made about me by someone i really care about - i feel like just when i thought i had come to a point where i was ok with where i am at everything went down the drain i guess you can say i dont take criticism very well. I don't know maybe im just taking it too personally. Then just a while a go i came across something im not sure if i should have. i realized once again i have ended up hurting someone that i shouldn't have - i should have a warning sign attached to me so people will know when they meet me that no matter how i feel about u i will end up hurting you. It is completely unintentional - i never mean for it to happen but it does and i have yet to come to a point where i am ready to fix that - and now the more things continue the way they r i am picking up more bad habbits that are leading to my eventual demise - i see this happening and i will not stop to fix it - why? because maybe i just want to cover the problems for just a while until i am ready to deal with it - i kno that is terrible but thats the procrastinator in me . . . i have little motivation anymore - not that i had any to begin with but after today what was left is now gone - maybe in time i'll find a point where i want to better myself but right now its just like "eh" i am just going to continue working and bury myself in music in hopes something decent will come from that and if not at least i can say i tried . . . its just hard b/c everyone tells me that i can do it and i was finally believing it then one person i trust most shoots me down so whatever. SHADOW OF THE MOON i got my hair done yesterday and its hot! its all black with "black cherry" streaks in it. I would so put up a pic but i dont have my cam up yet i keep forgetting to do that - ill do it this weekend when i get time. anywho whats going on with everyone these days - they r all fucking FRODOS i swear everyone just wants to be a little whiney complaining bitch im so tired of the self pity - have some pride and grow some balls and then maybe we can talk otherwise its just not worth it aaaaannnnddd other than that things r not bad - work is good cept im gunna kill dan that dirty bastard lol and yah im gunna go over to my moms house right now to visit so peace out SACRED SPELLS i have nothing to talk about just to show u this . . . 
omg that's hott! and now the quote of a lifetime . . . "Soo you need your snake sexed?" -pet store guy CORPUS CALLOSUM so i was just reading over really old conversations i have had with certain people in the past - it really brought back memories - certain people i miss and certain people i loath its weird how people come in and out of your life so quickly that you don't even have a chance to really know them and when u do and its over its really strange to remanice b/c u realize what a diffrent person you have become - holey shit that really made no sense but it totally did in my head and that is all that matters - i have things to do this weekend and i will be very upset if angela cant get out of her house - the full moon is sunday which means something wicked but enough about that i have to be to work at 6am so i better get to sleep - cuz if this kid doesnt get enough sleep - watch out :D a wise scoatch once said: "it doesn't matter if you love someone what are you're words worth when you take no action" 19 April 2005 7:32pm MODEL CALL MODELS NEEDED i need "goth" female models for a site i have under construction - if anyone reads this and is interested or knows anyone who might be interested pleeeeeaaaaase let me know asap! i have 2 models in mind and stevie of course - i use her for everything lol but really i do need girls so yah - if u r interested even in the slightest please e-mail me and i can give u the details. 19 April 2005 2:12pm DOMINATION so after steph stumbled across a website last night she has the genius idea to start her own business - its a little shady but hey thats steph for ya - i will be doing a website for her this weekend and hopefully it will all be done on monday - more news about that when it happens . . . not working these past couple days has been really depressing - im gunna have no money and all day i sit around doing nothing - well i clean and sit on the computer - makes me realize how i have NO friends lol - i guess it just seems like that b/c i live alone now - (well with steph but she works all day so she is hardly ever home) - its rather pathetic but sometimes i like it better that way. 14 April 2005 11:57am CANDY CLOUDS im not feeling too good i think steph got me sick thankfully i wasnt scheduled to work today but i have to work tomorrow :( then im off for hella day wich will be nice but on the other hand it really sucks cuz i need hours - i have no money - being a grown up is no fun - sometimes i just wish i could be like 12 again - back when shit was still easy *sigh* at least the house is finally clean lol. 12 April 2005 4:12pm THAT'S HOT  i love that dani 11 April 2005 11:37pm PURE PREDATOR RADIO BLOG IS WORKING BITCHES - go now and listen to some cradle!!!! goddamn that was time consuming and it almost beat me but i figured that shit out cuz im the man! now i have to sleep cuz i have to be to work at 4:30am again :( 10 April 2005 8:13pm PARTNER KIT so i finally got the internet hooked up at my house so now i can go back to sitting online whenever i have nothing to do - which in my case is quite often. so yah steph and i went shopping today and bought a shit load of new stuff for our livingroom - we r doing the whole "african safari" look so far it is going really bad ass ill get pics of it on my cam when its all done - other than that nothing is new- oh well i sorta tried to update the graveyard but thats it. 03 April 2005 7:22pm BLACK IS MY HEART omg there was some drama that happened the other day thanks to noel - i was pretty upset but now its like whatever--- she tried to call my cell and of course i didn't answer(i never do) so she called my work cuz i was suppose to go in but i called in sick so she called stephanie - and steph said she didnt know where i was - eventho i was asleep in my room so then noel calls my mom and my mom calls my dad cuz everyone thought i was missing for what? nothing - it was really dumb - anywho other than that things r good - i got my bed and other misc stuff moved over to stephs so now i have a place to live lol and then i just bought 3 new shirts today which i was really excited about and what else - i have a 3 day weekend coming up so we r trying to go camping which should be fun - i am not an outdoorsy kinda girl but it should be fun - something diffrent to do - then i went looking at bass amps today w/ mikey and my dad - found some pretty kool shit so i might go ahead and buy one by the end of this month - its really nice having money to just buy things like that so yah thats all i got right now - i dont have an internet connection at my house yet but we r gunna get it set up this week so then i will be able to get my damn radio blog up and some other things i need to upload but for now im out 27 March 2005 1:16pm DAMNATION AND A DAY so i had to work this weekend b/c i had days off earlier in the week which was pretty shitty - noel had me come over the other day cuz she was having a "gathering" so i said what the fuck ill go - so i get there and its just her joe ian and deegan and half of them are already high and then like 5 mins later noels going to bed so there i am just chilling with the guys watching tv and shit - it was pretty fun - it was the first time i ever met ian - joes brother- and he was a pretty kool kid. so then at like 2 deegan leaves but before he does he gave me his card - at the time i didnt think anything of it - but then the next day i find out that joe and noel were all wanting me to hook up with him - i am just like wtf??? i hate being a girl - its like damn i thought it was apparent that i dont want to see anyone right now and if i did i know who it would be - and its not deegan - dont get me wrong hes a nice guy but he is like 25 or some shit and as it is i act like im 12 so technically that would be child molestation lol so needless to say im sort of upset w/ noel and joe ---- then yesterday after work steph and i cleaned the house and went grocery shopping! so basically i just need to move the rest of my things in and i will officially be living there - its sort of funny living with just steph(and well angelina but she is only 4 so she doesnt count) it reminds me of the times when we were little and we used to play house and shit like that - funny stuff - anywho right now i have to go to my aunts b/c we r having easter dinner there and then im going to visit my dad for a little bit so yah thats about it 23 March 2005 6:46pm THE PICTURE ON THE WALL staying at my moms these past few days has been nice - mikey and i have been writing a song and it is turning out really well i hope that we will be finished with it soon. . . Slowly but surely i am going to be moving my things into stephanies - the computer is going over first along with my clothes then hopefully i can get my bed over there sometime this weekend. i havent really told my mom about all of this yet but i dont think she is going to be too suprised i just hope she doesnt get all hurt about it but whatever she'll get over it - i cant stay here forever. 21 March 2005 9:16pm PREY FUCK YAH! new layout is up after much talk and it is so badass if i do say so myself - a big THANK YOU to angela for her mad graphic skills and yes - this is some good shit. There is still much to be done before the coding is flawless but it will get there that i promise. The radio blog will be up soon and the archives as well. as for everyday life - there was major drama sunday and i dont want to talk about it and i am moving in with stephanie - hopefully ill get all my shit over there this weekend and i made a friend :) we work together. <back |